‘Caught between Heaven and Hell’…
an autopictography
autobiographical art
This has been my most ambitious piece to date, taking over 20 continuous months to complete.
I chose the term autopictography as a pictorial equivalent of the written form of an autobiography, and although I’m not the first to use that term, I wanted to make the distinction that my autopictography is NOT a self portrait, which is typically a ‘snapshot’ of a person at a given moment, rather ‘Caught between Heaven and Hell-an Autopictography’ is an attempt to present an autobiographical representation of my life in expressive abstractive form.
Therefore every shape, line, variation in hue, tint or chromatic intensity has meaning relating to the past or present, ‘the self’, ‘externalities’, interactions, memories, loss, emotions, and my life shared.
In the style a Renaissance Polyptych, I chose to represent ‘the self’ (i.e., me) within the central panel, flanked above and below by a series of four smaller compositions representing various ‘life stages’ that trend from right to left and in mirrored form, as representations of ‘Heaven’ (above) and ‘Hell’ (below), thereby forming a polyptych within a single canvas.
The concept within the central panel is this - if I were a perfect person, the shape would be a perfect circle - but I am not - and it isn’t even a circle, but a rather heavily dissected and complex shape, comprised of differing radii, within which the three primaries predominate - and is heavily bisected and intersected by externalities. This segmentation and radial ‘offset’ is an abstract representation of the self as a multifaceted being, within which love, family, self awareness, imperfections, physical and intellectual pursuit predominate and form an essential part of ‘the self’. Why the primaries? They are symbolic representations of the self - wherein red (i.e., cadmium red) represents love/passion, yellow for positivity, wholeness, stability and the physical state of the self, and blue for the intellect and mind.
The intersections that trend from the lower left and upwards into the central form emanate from a representation of past, positive and formative foundational influences (i.e., siblings, parents, grand-parents, aunts/uncles and mentors) above which hangs a pierced red form representing lessons learned through youthful love lost.
The surrounding muted orthogonal shapes, on either side of the central expression of ‘the self’, forms a ‘mire’ of antagonistic shapes as an expression of various life’s ‘challenges’, within which circular forms float - representing the many positive interactions I have gratefully experienced, sometimes during life’s greatest challenges or perceived obstacles.
Caught between Heaven and Hell - an autopictography oil on canvas (2020-2024) 40x30 inches 102x76 cm
The ‘life stage panels’ (shown below), trending right to left, do not represent specific ‘chronological ages’ within my life per se, such as age 20 to 40, rather they represent life stages and life experiences, such as ‘infancy/pre-school years’ - ‘school/university’ - ‘marriage/family’ - ‘old age’, which are much more fluid in concept!
The first panel represents infancy/pre-school years [my twin-sister was still-born] and warm memories of time spent living with Grandparents. Followed by a second panel depicting the energetic school and university years, marked by frequent family moves, boarding school/college and finally my rewarding undergraduate/graduate experiences - the latter shared with Phyllis. The third panel represents the happiness and ‘wholeness’ felt through love shared with Phyllis and Family, tempered by a myriad of externalities; then finally, and as analogous to life, we come to the final panel as a depiction of ‘old age’, with the perception of isolation and loss that phase in life may yet bring.
Below: the original pencil sketch:-
‘Motifs’
Several ‘motifs’ reoccur in many of my sketches and paintings.
Of course circles traditionally represent ‘wholeness', infinity and an aspect of unity, either within the self or with something else, and further meaning is created, such as love/passion or loss, when combined with specific colours of chromatic intensity.
The attachment of the pure gold shape is the affirmation of love between two souls.
Another reoccurring motif, amongst many, is my symbolic representation of ‘the Holy Trinity’ as three interlinked, open or closed shapes, that appear to be headed in one direction or another. I believe faith in something is an important part of the human condition.
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